


To Pacify Or Satisfy

by writingradionoises



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Drabble, Exorcised Josh, F/M, Friends to Enemies, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Satisfied - Hamilton, Song Lyrics, Supportive Emily, Unrequited Love, very short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-07 01:22:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10349259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingradionoises/pseuds/writingradionoises
Summary: Quick drabble thing





	

Year Five.  
I’ve been exorcised, and left with scars that may never be repaired.   
Mentally and physically.  
You know, I would say “It was just a prank” and blame it on being oblivious, but the fact is it wasn’t just a prank.  
I missed my sisters. My sweet, and adoring twins who deserved nothing but happiness.  
I never wanted to admit they were dead, so I let myself sink into insanity until I wanted revenge.  
Clearly, I’m an idiot.  
We’re all about twenty four, a few at twenty five, and at a wedding.  
Chris’s wedding.  
Chris and Ashley’s wedding.  
I’ve supported the two for years, and now I’m the best man.  
But I fear if I go out there, I’ll vomit all over the carpet from anxiety and just disorders in general.  
Just a year or two before we met Ashley, I imagined myself in her current place.

Sixteen years old, secluded to all but my sisters and Chris.  
I was too short, too fragile, too shy.  
Too oblivious to heartbreaks and game overs.  
That’s when I realized three fundamental truths at the exact same time.  
The first truth; I’m out of my league.  
Tall, handsome, dorky.  
Pure, funny, adorable.  
If given a shot, I would’ve done everything in my power to win him over.  
I wanted him to return my love.  
When I introduced him to Ashley, the second.  
For one of the first times in my life, I realized that everything I worked towards was in danger within a split second. She could take him away from me at any given moment and Chris would go with it.  
She was pretty, nerdy, and kind.  
Matching his type perfectly.  
Third, well, it appears I’m not the only one trying to get in on some action.  
I already said he’s oblivious and pure. He would never notice anyone trying to take a bite out of him unless they were direct. Even then, Chris would question.  
My sixteen year old self panicked and search for solutions within my sisters.  
Beth wanted me to tell him before it was too late. Tell him everything I’ve kept inside. She was right, I should’ve.  
Hannah told me she was in the same situation with Mike and Emily. She called it “Romantic Attacks,” a play on panic attacks. She couldn’t help much.  
So, I confined in Ashley. I told her the deal, prayed to Gods I don’t even believe in that she would understand.  
And she did her best to.   
She asked for at least a shot with him, if she missed she’d give up.  
I want to say she missed and I threw my shot towards it, my whole heart practically.  
But she didn’t miss. Ashley and Chris hung out more and more as my heart cracked in two right before my eyes.  
I introduced them and then I started crying in the basement because I missed.  
I threw away my shot.  
All I could do was sit and support them endlessly.  
Ashley and I had a lot of fights over him off screen, until I learned she was close with Beth.  
I stopped fighting with her, I stopped talking to her all together.  
I decided to try and talk to people like Jess or Emily, who get dropped or drop people themselves.  
Jess couldn’t offer much advice other than trying to forget and move on.  
Emily said that if he didn’t acknowledge my attempts, he wasn’t worth my time. She said to keep moving, keep my mind off of it.  
I just constantly reminded myself of how it felt when I first met him.  
I’ll never forget the first time I saw his face.  
I have never been the same, intelligent eyes in a small and weak frame.  
And when he said “Hi,” I forgot my own name …  
He set my heart aflame, every part aflame.  
I wish this was a game.

Around this time is when Hannah and Beth went missing. I ignored him and focused on them, my worry and grief. When I started working on the prank and seeping into insanity, I just wanted to see who he would really choose between us.  
His best friend or crush?  
I don’t remember much between those years in between. 

Snapping back to reality, I stare back at the ceremony. 

“If anyone has any objections to this couple getting married, speak now or forever hold your peace,” said the preacher. 

His voice was hollow and monotone, he reminded me too much of “Dr. Hill,” whoever he may be anymore. 

I held my breath, watching my life flash before my eyes before making a decision

He was right, I’ll never be satisfied. 

“Wait!”

Watching it all play out in the back of my mind as I watched multiple pairs of eyes stare towards me. When I first met Chris, introducing him to Ashley, planning the prank, falling in the mines. 

There is a twist in my stomach, butterflies that don’t know that it’s their time to die.

“I hate to say it but, Ashley, I’m afraid I loved him first.”


End file.
